They eat roadkill. They urinate on themselves. When frightened, they vomit. Forget sweet calls or melodic songs; the only sounds these birds are likely to utter are grunts or a rasping hiss. With their bald, red heads and feathers fit for funeral attire, turkey vultures would probably place last in an avian beauty contest. Do you ever find yourself wishing we had a more charming harbinger of spring?